ENDING AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

This title begs the question: "What is an unhealthy relationship?". Clearly there are a large number of qualifiers given how complex we humans are. A lot of literature seems to focus on extreme examples of flawed personalities. There is also the assumption in a lot of articles about toxic relationships that one party is completely toxic, the other party completely healthy and deserving merit. The reality of most people personal relationships is likely to be far more nuanced. Maybe there was that incredible nighttime walk in the mountains under the stars. Maybe the person you want to leave did defend you when you were vulnerable on more than one occasion. No doubt there was some amazing sex, some gentle moments cuddling. What we are looking for is a pattern not a rule not an absolute condition. If the pattern a relationship took was one dominated by conflict or where your needs were consistently ignored then you could be justified as assessing it as unhealthy despite the 'good times'. Maybe your dominant emotions are not anger or hatred but an appreciation of your significant other and genuine concern for their welfare. You can hold such thoughts but also decide on balance that the relationship is not allowing you to flourish. life is short and we cannot have an intimate relationship with everyone; it is legitimate to decide that you could have a relationship that is better for your health than the one you are in.

Once you have followed through on a decision to end a cherished relationship expect to experience doubt and guilt; this confirms that you are an emotionally developed person with a capability to empathise. It does not mean however that your decision and consequential action are wrong despite the emotional pain for both parties. Try and mention your situation to family and friends that you trust; this will help keep you heading in your new direction despite your hesitation. You have decided to move in a different direction to someone you previously consulted on what direction to go so of course it will feel awkward at first no longer consulting that person.

You are feeling your way into an unknown future using the best thinking that you can muster; be gentle with yourself.